Worries: Back pain & Bad Blogs

I feel like an old man today and have realized I can’t just write about one thing without referring to another. So bear with me please. Everytime, I want to write and add to my blog, I feel like apologizing and stress that I’m not a blogger as if it is a sin or I’m an imposter pretending to be a blogger. I honestly believe that and I’m afraid it might sound too hypocritical! I like to say it though, without any ill feelings or prompting a negative vibe from the reader. After all I shouldn’t care that much, since I hardly have that many readers.

I’m always concerned about what I want to say on my last blog, because if I ever stop for a while or just stop for good, I want my last posting to be of some significance. So, why am I bothered by that?

I admit I enjoy reading other’s blogs and there are some that I look forward to their new posts. My problem is that when I read something that I like or something that interjects a response then I like to leave a comment, or just for fun to say something funny. That worries me, because then I think the blogger whose blog I have commented on, may want to return the favor and check out my blog. That’s when I feel uneasy and feel that I have to post about something interesting, important, fun, or “deep” to engage my reader. After all it is as if my reputation was on line. Honestly that’s the way I feel, but at the same time, I enjoy reading and finding new interesting people. I guess I’m going in circles now.

I had something else in mind to write about, but I’ll save it for later. Today, like I said earlier, I have felt like an old man since yesterday. I have a bad back and once in a while I feel this muscle tightness in my back that makes it difficult and painful to get up and move around. It started several years ago when I was only 20 and in the middle of a soccer game. I jumped up to head a ball and when I landed, I got the worst muscle spasm ever. I felt I could hardly talk or even breath! In short, that pain puts root canal to shame. I know about both. But the first time it happened I could not move for 48 hours. After some bed rest and lots of Tylenols I went to see a doctor. My doctor at the time told me that was due to a condition I was born with and it would have happened sooner or later. Not a very good explanation at the time. That didn’t stop me, but another pinched nerve and muscle spasm a few years later and a subsequent MRI showed that I had a degenerative disk. Two solutions were offered. Limit my sport activities and exercise to build my mid section and back muscles. I learned about body posture and ergonomics. I learned how to lift correctly and all the crap. I call it crap, because I was too young to face that and because sports were a big part of me. I was pretty good at most sports. I have great reflexes. I was extremely quick and had great hand eye coordination. Participating in sports, made feel great and almost immortal at times! That I blame on my age at the time. I felt like it was unjustly taken away from me. I was very pissed. Why me? That’s pretty much why I hardly ever play soccer, tennis, racquetball, volleyball due to the fact that I’m too scared to get another muscle spasm. There is no pain on earth that could rival that feeling. Trust me on this. You become almost paralyzed and any movement, including breathing can produce an excruciating pain, like a bolt of lightening flowing thru your body. It usually takes 2-3 days to get moving again after some careful exercises. I still ski, but I must be very careful not to do anything stupid.

Nowadays, once in a while in the middle of some activity, all of a sudden, I feel a muscle tightness in my back and I’m reminded of my pack pain quick enough to stop doing what ever I’m doing immediately or face another horrific muscle spasm.. I need to do take it easy and do more warm ups and avoid any sudden moves or lifting anything heavy. So, I’m going to the gym now hoping to return with a little less pain. It will take me a few more trips to feel normal again.